Why is it really worth it?

[jpreid1]

So everybody's talking about how it's all worth it in the end, how there's all this hope for the future, and all that jazz, but I just don't see it. I feel more like life is hopeless. I feel like giving up makes a lot more sense than continuing to fight.

I'm 22, and I've fought with bipolar depression (and being suicidal) for almost a decade. I started cutting 7 or 8 years ago. It's been over 3 years since I last cut, but here lately I want to go back to it pretty much every day. What have I gotten from all of the effort I've exerted?? I'm still depressed and thinking about cutting and suicide all the time.

So I guess what I want to know is why does everybody think it's so worth it??

[ashleyelizabeth89]

My immediate reaction would be: life is better than the alternative.

I believe in God, and I believe in heaven. But I also believe that each of us has a purpose in life, something we can't understand right now but we will see once we are no longer limited by time, space, and physical concerns. I know I could not enjoy heaven, knowing that my job on Earth was left unfinished.

Even if you don't believe in God or heaven, don't you think that being able to see, to hear, to smell, to taste, to touch, to feel, to think, to experience life, is better than nothing at all? Death won't be blackness, because you won't be able to see. Death won't be silence, because you won't be able to hear. Death won't be relief from pain, because you won't be able to feel. Death won't be an escape from your thoughts, because you won't be able to think.

What are you expecting of yourself? I know that, when I was depressed, I was holding myself to unattainable standards. You don't need to be a model, a celebrity, a business mogul, a Stepford wife, a Super mom, a sex symbol, a genius, or any other title to be a success.

You have a purpose. You are here for a reason, however minuscule it might seem right now. I love this quote: "To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

I truly think that each person is able to succeed, using the above definition. Success is not a grand achievement or world-wide fame. Success is not money or power or beauty. Success is to mean something to someone.

You mean something to me. You don't know me, but I love you. I love that you are brave enough to hold on, even when it doesn't feel worth it. I love that you are willing to come here and share. You are beautiful. You are precious. You are loved. You are not alone.

I hope you have someone you trust to talk to. It's not good to keep it to yourself. Even writing it down, on paper or online, is better. I always found it easier to talk to someone who *didn't* know me, because the people who knew me had their own opinion, based on what they saw of my life, of what I should feel. Talk to someone. Talk to a counselor (Most colleges/universities offer low-cost or free counseling). Talk to a pastor/priest/rabbi/leader. Talk to me.

[jpreid1]

I believe in God and Heaven & Hell, but I do not agree that life is better than the alternative. I believe--no, I know--that when I die I'm going to Heaven. The only problem is I don't know if killing myself would change that, and to be honest, that's really the only thing that's kept me from doing so. I know that Heaven is going to be unfathomably better than this life.

By the definition you gave, I've already been successful. I may have a purpose, but is living life in this much pain really worth working to fulfill that?? I see and/or think about suicide everywhere I turn, and I'm at a loss for what to do at this point.

I'm seeing a counselor right now, but there's the lovely saying about how things get worse before they get better...that's definitely been true for me. I'm just at a loss for what to do or how to feel better at this point...

[kate]

I'm 26 & have been cutting since I was 12...over half my life. And for half my life, I've wished fervently for my own death. More often than not, I don't think it's worth the pain & the effort.

I don't believe in god or heaven or hell. So that is no motivation for me, no glimmer of hope for an afterlife. But every once in awhile, something good happens. For that moment in time, life makes sense & it's beautiful. I have to hold onto that because it's inevitable that it doesn't last. Have you ever had a moment that you wouldn't trade for anything in the world? Focus on that. It's everything.

Maybe it's not about what makes sense now. Maybe it's about the possibility of things getting better. And we both know things can never get better if we're not alive for it.

You should be around to see things get better.

[ashleyelizabeth89]

No one can tell you why your life should be worth something to you. I think that's one of the more important things we all need to realize. The worth and value of your life is completely what you make of it.

What are you looking for? What would make life worth it?

I make a choice every day, often every hour, sometimes every minute, to live with the purpose of being successful by the definition of the quote I posted above, because that is what makes life worth it for me. If stopping the pain would make life worth living for you, then do everything in your power to make that happen: get away from the toxic influences in your life, surround yourself with things that bring you joy, look into ways of getting help (cognitive behavioral therapy, medicine, etc.). I hope that, in time, you will find that there is more incentive for living than just stopping the pain. I did.

If you know what would make life worth it, but don't know how to achieve that, ask for help. I think all of us on this board are more than willing to listen and help as much as we can.

It might not mean much, but I've been thinking about you and praying for you all day. I was so touched by your story on freewebs that you linked to your profile, probably because it reminded me so much of my own.